With knee board in hand I took the brief
The zone is secure, I smiled with relief.
The grunts have swept the area clear,
They say they are sure no VC are near.

We fired up ole Kilo Eight
With a secure zone this hop will be great.
We're over the zone but why the red smoke,
Pilot below make some kinda joke?

As I look out the window, I'm in for a shock,
Automatic weapons fire at ten o'clock.
The grunts are hiding in their ditches,
Why don't they shoot at the son of a bitches?

With holes in the windshield, It's getting breezy,
To have believed the briefing I must have been easy.
The zone is secure we must all agree,
But only if you happen to be a VC!

The Purple Fox

Leaps tall buildings with a single bound.
Is more powerful than a locomotive.
Is faster than a speeding bullet.
Walks on water.
Gives policy to God.

COLONEL

Leaps short buildings with a single bound.
Is more powerful than a switch engine.
Is just as fast as a speeding bullet.
Walks on water if the sea is calm.
Talks with God.

LIEUTENANT COLONEL

Leaps short buildings with a running start.
Is almost as powerful as a switch engine.
Is faster than a speeding B.B.
Walks on water in indoor swimming pools.
Talks with God if special request is approved.

MAJOR

Barely clears quonset hut.
Loses tug of war with locomotive.
Can fire a speeding bullet.
Swims well.
Is occasionally address by God.

Makes high marks trying to leap buildings.
Is run over by locomotives.
Can sometimes handle a gun without self-injury.
Dog paddles.
Talks to animals.

FIRST LIEUTENANT

Runs into buildings.
Recognizes locomotives two out of three times.
Is not issued ammunition.
Can stay afloat with proper use of a Mae West.
Talks to walls.

SECOND LIEUTENANT

Falls over doorstep when entering a building.
Says, "Look at the CHOO-CHOO."
Wets himself with a water pistol.
Plays in mud puddles.
Mumbles to himself.

SERGEANT (ANY)

Lifts buildings and walks under them.
Kicks locomotives off the tracks.
Catches bullets in his teeth and eats them.
Freezes water with a single glance.
BECAUSE - - - - - - - - HE IS GOD

'Twas the night before Christmas,
We were here in Chu Lai.
It had rained half the night,
Not a star in the sky.

We were all pretty beat,
All our ammo was spent.
We'd run out of VCs,
And went back to our tent.

Our stockings were hung on field ranges with care,
In hope that St. Nick would soon be there.
Then all of a sudden there was a hell of a clatter,
We jumped from our racks to see what was the matter.

The tent flaps opened and somebody screamed,
"Holy Mackerel, it's General Green."
It was General Green, there was no doubt,
He was wearing his poncho green side out.

He tore up our sacks as fast as he could,
And scared us to hell like a good General should.
He inspected our rifles and all of our gear,
"We'd rather have VCs than that General here.

Laughing he turned and dashed out of the tent,
We hurried outside to see where he went.
His sleigh was hidden behind a mud bank,
It was pulled by ten Colonels of equal rank.

He was airborne in a second, and then came the shout,
"Merry Christmas, You Bastards, You'll Never Get Out" ! ! !